Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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