so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
