I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
