That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
