I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dignity is for republicans.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
