Porn is love you can see.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Randomize
