I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
