Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you win again, gameday.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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