Sponge bath it is.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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