He is such a slut. More and more my type.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
When are your genitals available?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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