this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
