Jerry, you need to find god
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
