I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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