would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
