I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
A+ Viking dick
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
