The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
