I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
