He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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