I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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