Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I believe in your delicious
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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