Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The feeling are messing with the penis
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
