I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
