You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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