The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
