By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
