sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
