Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
