Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
