I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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