I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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