I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
