I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
