I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
