The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
