it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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