Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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