"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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