Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
