he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
