Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.