Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
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This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
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You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra