Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.