Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
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Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
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Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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