On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
