It's Friday. Sex?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
