Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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