I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
