The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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