Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
