I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
