My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
