I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
