I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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