Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
