I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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