I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I touched a dick in church today
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
