I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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