so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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