Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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