In the future we'll all be gay
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
