Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
