great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
this boner is exhausting
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
