God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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