Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
