at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
