I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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