If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
