I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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