mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
No stitches, just platelets and will power
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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