She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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