why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you inspire me to be a worse person
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I don't deserve a penis
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
