There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
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I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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