I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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