youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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