it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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