so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
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she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
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$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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