Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
