i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
